Back to basics.

It took me two months to start over. I was not strong enough. First, the university finals, then, the stress, then I forgot. But Im back for good. Or that's what I want to believe.

First day has not been glorious but I dont expect to shine but to do it okay, step by step, little by little.

Lately I have not been feeling okay. Sort of down, negative... I used to be so optimistic... now look at me. Experience, they call it? I don't know. I remember being much happier and playful and nicer than this. Also, I feel really far from proud about my looks. I am so much bigger... sometimes i even feel I lack the energy to do things... and those pains in my lower back. These last two weeks have been intense. I guess I have to believe my boyfriend when he says he finds me hot. I find myself disgustingly fat. That kind of affects me, mentally speaking. I lack energy, as I said and I'm much more negative. Call me superficial but mental and physical have an influence on each other and I have to start taking care of myself.

I'm far from happy. Anyway, I grabbed these jeans and I tried them. They were kinda tight so I recorded some video. I'll try them on in 15 days and check if there's any difference... and like that until I actually fit.

We'll see how it is going. I don't except anybody to read this. I just do it for myself, for my very own moral support.

See ya,
xoxo.